So now I guess I'm an expert at saying good-bye. Getting the phone call, making arrangements, accepting condolences: I'm a pro. Do you need to tell your toddler about death? I'm your woman. Accept a terminal cancer diagnosis? Let's sit down. In the past two years, I've lost the two family members I love the most --- and now I am left caring for my dad. He keeps re-treading the details surrounding my mother's death, just as my sister-in-law did after my brother died. And it hurts me to hear it over and over again. Just as it did before.
When someone in your family dies, people flock to you right away. They want to do the right thing. They ask, "What can I do? I'll help you with anything you need." Thing is, you don't need anything. More to the point, you don't know what you need. Even more pointedly, you don't know anything. A couple of weeks later, you just feel lonely. You miss the person who is gone. And you could use some help. Not much, but some company. Someone to order some food when you just want to stare at the wall. But those people, the people who did the right thing right away, are off doing some other right thing, right now.
But you can't blame them. You can't blame anyone for anything. You've got to be looking onward and upward. Sometimes hard, but always necessary.