Last Thanksgiving I weighed 70 pounds more than I do now, Mia was two days from being born and I was a raging bitch. My parents, my brother and I ate dinner at a Polish buffet and I scarfed down plate after plate of potato pancakes. Then in the car my brother and I fell into adolescence. I didn't know it'd be the last time.
Ever since we were little, Ross would accuse me of hauling out this self-satisfied smile when we were fighting. I'd flatly deny it and both the smile and the act of denying the smile would drive him crazy. Most of the time he was very calm with me, but this would enrage him. I'm still not sure if I knew I was smiling or not. But it happened whenever we fought.
When we got older, we didn't fight as much. But sometimes, especially in close family situations, we'd fall back into sibling warfare. Heavy with child, raging with hormones, I couldn't help it. Either I started it or he did (probably me), but we were back to grade school. In fact, even though I had begged Ross to come to Chicago for Thanksgiving he drove back to Milwaukee that night with my folks. I was still at least a week from my due date and, hell, we had the rest of our lives, right? Shit.
Two days later, when Ross was still in Milwaukee with my parents and my birth partner Dan (who was staying with me from Amsterdam) was in Milwaukee with his parents, I went into labor. I called my other birth partner, Fran, and she and her husband took me to the hospital. Despite a team of nurses who did not believe my claims of impending childbirth ("Do you have a low pain tolerance?"), I gave birth to Mia about nine hours later. Fran and Dan helped deliver, Fran cut the cord. Ross listened on the other side of the door was one of the very first people to see my daughter.
That was the last time I saw Ross alive. Thanksgiving weekend 2002. Mia's birthday weekend. My daughter's first birthday party is this Sunday. When I tell people about the party, they say: Mia wasn't born near Thanksgiving. Er, yes she was, I say. No, she was born in December, they say.
Yes. December 1. Thanksgiving weekend.
I'll never forget.