It's always disconcerting to find out there are folks who don't like you. Even when it's someone that you don't particularly like, who doesn't really matter and is probably a little nuts to begin with, I still get fixated. I used to really care, I mean really care what people thought. If I thought they sounded weird on the phone, it'd drive me crazy for hours. Once I found out they had a bona fide reason for acting weird, I'd always feel so much better: "Oh, you're going broke and you're going to lose the house? Then you're not mad at me? Great!!!" I'm not quite so bad now, growing up had a great effect on my insecurity that way. Other things, both tragic and euphoric, shaped my perspective along the way. Still, hearing some guy say, oh yeah so-and-so doesn't really care for you ... well, that still gets me.
And you've got to wonder why the informant tells you. I mean this person of hate is not someone I'm romantically involved with. This is a contractor that works on my apartment. And he doesn't like me because he thinks I'm high maintenance. And I am. When my apartment floods, I ask for it to be fixed. When lead paint is exposed, I require immediate attention. And when he and his co-hort (who incidentally was the one who blabbed) were still working on my bathroom 3 months after a promised completion date and I returned from the hospital, baby in tow and you don't want to know what a-burning in pain, I was not a happy camper. Yeah, I'm high maintenance.
And those old grade-school feelings come back. Funny. That desire to be liked. All the people who care suddenly disappear and the one who doesn't remains. And it really doesn't matter if I like him. He doesn't like me. The cheese stands alone.
Tomorrow I won't care. Yesterday I certainly didn't care and next week, I won't likely care. I may feel a twinge when I see him next, more likely it will be that of indifference. But today, feeling weak, remembering days gone by, I'm irked. Dumb guy. Don't like me, huh? Well, uh, well. Then let me tell you about my sink, I think there's a leak. And you know I feel like the floorboards are kind of squeaky. And I hear a little swoosh everytime ...
