The Wordmistress

Waiter, There's a Blonde in My Bowl

Why is Courtney Thorne-Smith on the cover of my cereal box? You probably remember her as the stupid-as-mud Alison on Melrose Place or is it possible you watch the Jim Belushi vehicle, something something Jim? But I remember her from this sitcom a long time ago with fellow hyphenate, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Day By Day was an oddly addictive sitcom, self-consciously bad in the Saved by the Bell vein. Didn't like her then, later and especially now.

No offense.

My Spam is Bigger Than Your Spam

I know I'm not alone in my increasing gnawing annoyance at the proliferation at spam aimed at the penis these days. Now this has nothing to do with penis envy, I'm as big a fan of the organ as the next gal, but man, oh man these emails are driving me batty! I used to greet the sweet alarm notes of Microsoft Outlook with glee, eager to see what email awaited me. Now I dread whatever penis pitch has made its way into my formerly well-protected mailbox. It feels like data rape.

Back in the day, like three months ago, I used to have a spam filter that worked really well. My ISP is SBC Yahoo and their spam filter caught the occassional porn email and other assorted sundry advertisements. We lived in happy harmony. Then one day I received no email. And the next day the same strange thing occurred. Of course, this coincided with my re-emergence as an important and in-demand writer, so what do I see when I hit the filter? Like a zillion work-related emails! Yikes. The filter nabbed email addresses it used to let through, like it suddenly developed a grudge.

So I reprogrammed it, re-taught it who to accept and who to reject. But the damn thing wouldn't learn. It kept eating up my good email and forcing me to go to Yahoo, rather than get my email through my alias account at Outlook. I didn't like the situation and since I didn't get all that many spams anyway, I bagged the filter. Big mistake.

Almost instantly the floodgates opened. Ebay turnkey solutions. Weight loss for dummies. My old Nigerian friends with their big bucks to invest. But most persistently, the penis patrol.

In the midst of this I got hit with the worm. That damn virus started sending itself to me, messing with my non-spam emails and creating general havoc and mayhem in PCVille, the only town I work in these days. Luckily, it seems to be under control right now.

Penis patches, worms and spam. A real mess if you ask me.

Fangirl

Deep down inside I am a big fan of celebrities. And that is why I love the Golden Globes. Why am I talking about this on Tuesday when the show was on Sunday night? Because I really only had a chance to watch it today, having missed a lot of it on Sunday night. Here's my two cents.

Angels in America. Great movie, great cast. It definitely was a tour de force. As Roy Cohn, Al Pacino did his finest work since Michael Corleone. I'm so sorry to say that Pacino's acting has become almost intolerably one-note since The Godfather days, it's like he got caught in the And Justice For All speech and could not get out. But everyone not only did a splendid, wrenching job, they really seemed to enjoy the work. There was a meta-awareness of the play as it was being performed which made it feel very intimate and very real. It was great. I could survive on HBO alone.

Also, I think Meryl Streep is lovely. She is so poised and funny and clever and just so all right with me.

Here are some other famous folks I wouldn't mind meeting: Jack Black and his gal pal and funny comic Laura Kightlinger; Johnny Depp whose film like all of his films I thought was rolicking good fun and who I will always think is a way hot mega babe; Bill Murray who is so cool and funny and humble; and Robin Williams.

As fate would have it, I happened to attend another tribute to Michael Douglas a few years back when he was similarly honored by the Chicago International Film Festival here in Chicago. He was then dating newsperson Elizabeth Vargas, and was toasted by Jeanne Tripplehorn and Kathleen Turner among others. I think his buddy Saul Zaentz was there as well. Jeanne Tripplehorn cried her eyes out for some insane reason. Maybe she was drunk. It was a work thing for me.

I love the Golden Globes, everyone seems very natural. There are no Bruce Vilanchisms wasting time, just TV and movies together. And me in my kerchief and Mia in her cap ...

Flutter

So I might like a boy.

At least I know that I like him as a new friend, which I haven't felt for a long time. It's strange, cuz I've known most of my friends for a very long time so it's always weird making new ones. And when I meet someone new I feel oddly aggressive: er, wanna hang out? I don't want to give him the wrong idea, but this is a person who gets my jokes and is funny and smart and not bad to look at. I'm not really romantically attracted to him at this point, but I am into the idea of hanging out with someone new and I like that he is a boy. He's pretty nice too.

And yeah, I'll keep you posted. Literally.

Nighty Night

Mia is such a trooper when I work at home. I'm constantly on the phone, checking email, and stealing moments to write in between putting away the laundry, sweeping the kitchen floor and cleaning the rooms. Somehow we made it to playgroup in between, so at least we played a while together there but at home she had to make do with intermittent hugs and kisses between all the must-dos.

That's why I don't mind when she sometimes wants to get up again after she goes to sleep. I think she just needs a little more mommy time and I'm usually into it. Then, if you can believe it, she waves nighty night, grabs the corner of her blankie, sticks her thumb in her mouth and heads for snoozeland. Too cute.

Cry baby

Mia never had separation anxiety before, but man she's got it now. As soon as I start to get my things together to go to work she wants to get up in my arms and grandma just ain't good enough. And then with the tears. As most mommies know this is one of those proverbial double-edged swords. You love that she loves you: proof!! But you are so sad for the little peanut. Wah!

Luckily she recovers easily and all reports from the front are positive. Whew. Is it okay if I cry now?

Post Toasted

This is one of those I haven't been posting posts. I've been busy, yes. Even out of town. But the reason might be deeper than that. Could be that bloggers like me only have a finite amount of things to say. I started a weblog because I had things to say, but it might just be that I've already said it all.

'Cept.

The Iowa caucuses. My man Dean down in a fiery blaze. And I may be tempted to become a fair-weathered friend and it's only because I want to put my support for whomever this relatively messed up country will vote. Haven't decided. I don't even know anything about Kerry, I'll have to check him out.

Families. They're all nuts. But you got to love 'em. Why do they have to be so hard to deal with? Don't know. But it's good if you got 'em so love them up while you have them.

Work. Yeah! I'm glad to be working. What's weirder still is where I've been working, my old company. I've been on-site and bumping in to people I used to work with and everyone I've seen has been so nice. I really like it there. It feels very comfortable. Still like to see some money. Any.

Friends. My friend Dan is in the states from Amsterdam. We've actually known each other since we about four years old, but have been best friends since we've been about 17. He was in the delivery room with me and another best friend, Fran who cut Mia's umbilical cord. His nephew Elijah is Mia's age, and we were visiting in Milwaukee this weekend. Mia and Eli look a lot alike: blue eyes, blond curly hair; and they are at the exact same stage, getting up and falling down like Weebles. That was a lot of fun.

Hmmm. Could have a few tidbits left.

Suddenly, Summer

So all in a sudden, I'm this in-demand writer. Which is great, not that anyone has actually paid me, but I am working a lot these days. When I was pregnant, I got in a lot of trouble financially, so it would be great to start paying off some of my debts. But what's the deal? I was always here!! But it's a very good thing.

And I finally did this Pilates tape I bought on ebay something like six months ago. I am way out of shape, but it felt good to move.

Also, right now I am eating sushi. Which is delicious. So things are going well. I've got to start giving myself permission to think that's okay.

Okay.

The Gig is Up

I'm happy to report that I can safely cross the People's Choice Awards off my must-see television programs. Whatta snooze! I'm a big fan of awards shows but this one blew. It was a b-lister's paradise, very sad. It was supposed to be a 30th anniversary kind of gala, but instead it was more like a telethon with little interstitials that sounded like begging from former winners. They'd have Mary Tyler Moore saying something like, "I won five of 'em. Please don't let 'em end. The people's choice awards are great. They're awesome. I have some." At one point one of these celebrities even put seemed to plea for the show's master of ceremonies Army Archerd job, who I'm sorry to say could barely read his copy off the teleprompter. And they pulled a weathered Mac "Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me" Davis out of some spider hole and made him say that he had been reduced to a trivia question.

Oh yeah, Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer hosted. Not pretty.

I've always been a Golden Globes girl myself.

The Fun-House Mayor

I was looking through my journal from early college and in it I had this little poem about a Fun-House Mayor. The poem sucked but I liked the title. Tonight the sentiment is apt.

Upstairs, the landlord and his best friend are finishing up the rehab on the apartment above me. This rehab has been going on for 16 months. Sixteen months!! Can you believe it? His best friend is an electrician and does all the handyman work around here and as I've mentioned before, dislikes me and thinks I'm high maintenance. The tenant has already moved in and they are working around her. Please stop. It must end.

Meantime, my refrigerator is leaking up a storm. They have been helping this woman move in, actually moving her things. And I'm high-maintenance? Hello there. My refrigerator???

And I've been searching high and low for Das Boot, the single pink suede Gap boot that Mia is missing in my apartment. I couldn't understand how we could lose a boot in my apartment, but today it occured to me that she might have dropped it in the trash and I threw it out. I hope it turns up.

A guy on the street, in front of my house said hi to me and was quite flirtatious. He was very cute and was either a musician or pretending to be one. There is another cute musician on my block and maybe he was in the same band.

Any day Mia is going to climb out of her crib. When does it happen? Does she just one day pole vault out? I'm not clear on this. I'm figuring she's got about two months. I know she likes to push me away when she doesn't agree with my program. I guess it's a good thing that most of my curriculum is pretty neat for a toddler. (I'm a simple gal.)

I've been quietly interviewing for some temporary work, knocking out some freelance gigs and juggling the baby. Literally juggling. Like in a fun house.